Hearing Things

Epiphany night. After a short night of fun at Del Taco, teaching the girls bad sign language, I said my goodbyes and drove home. I get a lot of time to think on these drives home back from Irvine, and I usually spend them reflecting on important parts of my life while listening to music (formulating many blogs on these trips). Today I noticed that I had the music up pretty loud (to "feel" the beat), not only that but I've had the music up pretty loud for the past couple days. I also noticed that I haven't been able to focus as much when people are talking. I could be looking right at them, but not following the conversation at all because the words aren't getting deciphered in my head. It may be tiredness, stress, or many things. But then again it could also be further hearing loss. My mom would always tell me, Steven, turn down the music. Do you want to lose your hearing? I never really put too much importance on it. I'm thinking that my hearing is going to leave me completely someday anyway, why not at least listen to some good music on the way. Here's the truth that hit me today: As much fun as I have doing sign language, I couldn't bear not being able to hear. People will ask me, What's it like to have hearing aids? Do you ever get mad at God for making you that way? I don't see it as a curse; I don't see it as a hindrance. I see my hearing loss as an opportunity. I'm blessed with the ability to hear...to hear well enough to be able to talk, respond, carry out conversations, and apply my best skill. Without hearing and speech, I would not be going into the field of communications that I'm going into now. It would be much too difficult because of the low number of people that know sign language. I'm blessed with what I have, but I realize now that I need to treat my hearing better. I need to make it last as long as it can for me and treat it more like the blessing it is. No more loud music and I need to cut down the number of live shows I go see. Sounds boring, but it's important to me =)

Would I ever want to hear like everyone else, hear normal? I'm far from normal, from the standard, even without my hearing identity. I wouldn't know how to react to it ;)

Krhysthn (I don't know how to spell her name :( ) and Nikki invited me to Disneyland with them on Thursday. As much as I would love to, I doubt it's going to happen because I really can't afford a Disney pass. Maybe something will happen, you never know, a milagra (miracle)? Until then, just gotta keep on keeping on.