If you asked me a year ago if I thought I would be where I am right now, in the situations I'm in, being with the people I'm with, I would have told you "No." So much happens in a year, yet you always hear people say, 'Man, the time sure seems to fly.' Think of everything you've done in the past year, if it hasn't been much then it's time to get off your ass and make the best of it. A great role model has left us this year, and even now it pains me to think about it, but I can't remember a time when he wasn't helping out, giving his time to others, making the most of it. You only get one before situation takes you away. To quote a famous rapper, "You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. Opportunities come once in a lifetime..."
What I've been doing is trying not to waste it, trying not to waste time. I think I've been helping others, but I know I can do so more unselfishly. It seems that my home parish is not really where I'm sharing most of my talents, but outside it I am feeling quite comfortable. Is this because it's a new setting, or maybe it's because there are people my own age to share with? Am I feeling a gap between personalities, or maybe I don't want to get stuck, or maybe I'm bored? 
I don't know what it is, but here's the dilemma I think I'm in: I'm ready to move on to the next step and there's no one there to follow me, but at the same time I want, need, and am called to help others and bring them along with me. We don't get to heaven alone, but as a community. One thing that I really like is receiving acknowledgment. I really try to work hard for those around me to try to get them to say, "Whoa, how cool, nice style, good talk, you made me laugh, you're so cute, what's your number, etc." Well maybe not the last one, but you get the point ;) People like going to places where they feel that they are welcomed and treated equally. A problem I've noticed is that relationships aren't just handed to you. Yes life would be a lot more fun, interesting and easier, but that's not the case. Relationships are something you need to build, something you need to work on and for (that includes both sides), but if you don't start it, then don't expect it (same goes for you too Steven =P).
I'm going to be real. It's been a year and things aren't the way they used to be. Now understand, I know that change happens. I know that I have changed over the years. I know what it feels like to want to get away, follow your dreams, move to San Diego, Santa Barbara, LA, or even Brea, I wanted to do it myself before I realized it wasn't within my financial means, but there's a BIG difference between wanting to get out to experience the world or getting out and forsaking the people who supported you the whole way there in the first place. I'm smart enough to delete the rest of what I wrote...but just know, it hurts when your dropped at the turn of a dime. And I know I've done it to other people, and there's nothing that bothers me more than when I think about those people and what I have done to them, because I know what they are feeling =( Out of everything that has happened, this has been the only thing bothering me all summer.
Back to good times. Over the course of this year, my relationships with my friends at Liwanag have grown TREMENDOUSLY. Part of that is due to the fact that I'm the only person still going there from Guiding Light, so I had to make friends by default, but that was made very easy and I'd like to shout out to some people.
First and foremost, even though we don't talk much outside of the meetings, Ray, Gerard, and Brenton really made me feel welcome with a sense of brotherhood that I haven't experienced too much before (I generally talk to girls a lot more than guys), and they made me feel like an equal instead of putting me down. Charmaine, always interested in what I have to say, even when it's just a lame joke or my theory on why we love. She always makes me feel like I'm saying something important even if its just chit chat =) 
Nez, who inspired me to start writing a blog and inspires my writing style even though we've never once talked about it before. I've been in a pretty happy time since I started putting my emotions into words on this here blog thingy, so I would have to owe some of my happiness to Nez herself. Joyce for giving the best facial expressions anyone could ever hope for at the conclusions of my stories...and for having a name like Joyce, how cool is that? Joe for inspiring my style and the way I treat people. When I see Joe, I see a guy who has fun, but can also see the line between respect and hurtfulness and knows not to cross it. Sometimes when I don't know how to respond to someone or something, I would think, what would Joe do? To Jem, for being so easy to talk to about personal issues and at the same time trusting me with hers. Chris Ciaelo for having the BEST taste in music anyone could ever ask for. Erwin for having my back even after I thought he was never going to speak to me again after rooting against the Lakers =/ Kirsten for being such a great co-MC to work with on the GL retreat. Ace for being the type of friend that lasts you for a lifetime. And non-LOG too, Scuba, for bring me back to ground and helping me realize I'm not alone in my thoughts. Mike, for always being there through my struggles, a man who I believe our faith journeys are intertwined forever. Law, for supplementing my knowledge with fun AND respect for others (he would deny this, but his views help me sympathize with other religions). Tony for the great two years we had, and for more to come forever. To Camila for listening to me when I'm down. And Julisa for busting missions with me this year that I would never have imagined to be so much fun. 
There are sooooo many more people like Karla, Ace, Cody, Jerick, Omar, Kimchi, Paula, Mark Sescon, Jordan, Anna, Jamie, Nikki, Charlene, and others who have been so great to me this past year. I really believe that you're shaped by the people you meet, and you all have given me your best traits =D
I just want to say that the people in your life make it wonderful. You can't do it alone, they've got to be there too. So when you're stressing out over midterms, call them up and study with them (Ace knew nothing of my subject, but studying was fun and I did good on my test), or maybe you've got a problem and you just need to vent it out. We're here for each other, that's what friends are for, understanding. Someone you can feel safe around, sometimes all we need to do is just BLURB or let it out, or just do something...something...
SPONTANEOUS!
My life is the shit
and I really like it.
Don't stop, don't slow
Don't give up, let go.
Just move to the flow
and step to the beat.
When Kaba Modern battles you
You need to be on your feet.
My heart is on fire
To eliminate desire
There's one thing I need
Doesn't involve the greed.
I know He planted the seed.
It's about the size of a bead.
There is one God I love
And that's He from above.
I ask:
Give me the patience
The understanding
Give me the wisdom
To know what to do
To plan for the future
To open up to you
But HOW
Like Nez said: Honestly, Openly, Willingly
To You...To You, O' Lord
Lord you know
That with you there's no limits
The meter, the rhyme comes secondary
With you there is no finish.
Your sacrifice wasn't only Your death,
It was also Your life and resurrection
God, I embrace being deaf.
Whether it be my cross to bear
I don't see it as shame
I will stand tall and proclaim Your voice
Time to get my head in the game =)
