Throwback pt. 1

This is an entry from January 22nd from my myspace. I'll probably post my old throwback blogs sporadically. Enjoy =)

So today was a very reflective day for me. I've become more inspired to learn more about my faith as of recently. I started reading the Catechism of the Catholic Church along with "God is Love" by Pope Benedict XVI and began searching for answers as to why we are called to love, and what love is. It has been quite the challenge to even begin to comprehend what love is and how we obtain it.

I remember hearing earlier this year about "agape," a form of love that requires selfless giving. It is unconditional love and is done with the intention that the person being loved will benefit from that love. I felt that I practiced agape in my relationship by loving the other and giving even after I had nothing left to give. What I'm beginning to understand is that I was seeking love too, a form of "eros." I loved and continued giving, in the hopes that I would receive the love back, but the problem was that I never did:

"One can become a source from which rivers of living water flow. Yet to become such a source, one must constantly drink anew from the original source, which is Jesus Christ, from whose pierced heart flows the love of God. (Jn 7:37-38 and Jn 19:34)"

In order to love, one must receive that love in return. That is the same in any relationship, with God, or with man; if one loves the other and receives none in return, the person will suffer until his waters dry up. We can conquer this by loving our neighbors and showing that love for each other for the glory of God.

Now on to my personal reflections. Ever since the end of this summer, I have been a clam. There's a nice little pearl inside of me, but I continue to shut myself before anyone gets too close. That hasn't happened to me since before Stage Production, sophomore year of high school, in which I learned to let people into my life and share with them. The people I'm used to sharing with are either no longer around or I'm afraid to share with them. I'm afraid of letting people inside my heart for fear that I will not receive love in return

Recently, my desire to be loved has been replaced with my desire to guide others and to help them with anything that they may need. Either I'm hiding the desire to be loved or I am receiving the love I need from my friends and family. They all show me compassion and guidance and love in my life and I am truly thankful for them.

There are others that have been instrumental in sharing my outpour of emotions with me, but it seems that most of those people I no longer talk to very much, which saddens me greatly. Whether it due to geography, obligations, or just change in character, we have drifted away from each other. I do not want that, even though we change in character, there is a person of who we once were, who we used to share with, that is still there.

I wrote in my goal book last semester for my Interpersonal Communications class that one of my great missions in life is to achieve happiness, find salvation, and bring as many people with me as I can. Recently, I feel I have left others behind and it pains me when I think about that. To those who I miss, Daniel, Quinn, Michelle, Nancy, Xuan, Jaimee, Cody, Jose, Karla, Kenny, Brandon, Matt, Stephanie, and many others who I have left out.

I will always be in constant journey, but I want to say to those who are on that journey with me and I don't seem to be open to them, be patient, someday this clam will open up again for good =DD

Reflection done