Bye Bye Retreat High

Wow, we had an AMAZING retreat. It's unfortunate that I had to come home only to get yelled at again within 5 minutes of seeing my parents for the first time in 3 days. I don't think they understand how much they're hurting me. Even when I told my dad that tonight, he dismissed it saying that I need to take care of my responsibilities around the house. He didn't just say this though, he demanded it, yelling at me. That's the third time in 3 retreats that I've been welcomed home with anger and unappreciation. They don't see me ministering to people, being a light of God, taking care of my friends and myself. They don't see me in my struggles, they don't see me in my happiness, and they don't care to ask how I'm doing/feeling/etc. I know they love me, but it's not the type of relationship they seem willing to improve upon. It's more like they love me, but they have this set path in their minds about how I should deserve that love. If I don't follow their set, then they withhold their love from me. The thing is, and it's something a lot of parents don't understand, that they're NOT always right.

Situation. I came home, amazed, filled with God's love, and feel so blessed for this weekend. I'm HELLA tired, but I know that I've got some homework to catch up on. I've got a speech on Tuesday that I'm unprepared for, and I need to work really hard on it. My parents aren't home, they went to mass and dinner, so Tony, Camila and I arrive at my house and start doing our homework. I shower and Tony naps first. I tell them that I'm actually kinda glad my parents aren't around because I'll get more work done that way, but they'll probably have some reason to yell at me for when they get home. An hour and a half later my parents and sister come home. They all say hi and ask how the retreat went. We say good, and they all leave. My dad goes to the door and let's Corky (my dog) in. Corky poops on the carpet immediately. I'm laying on the carpet in the other room and it SMELLS. So I try to kick the door closed. It comes to a stop and nudges a piece of poop that I didn't see, because it was on the other side of the door. My dad comes out and begins yelling at me to pick up all the poop, even though he let Corky in, originally got the towels, and didn't stop Corky from pooping because he was sitting in his chair. Yelling at me as I'm trying to do homework. Furious that I would be "stupid" enough to not see the poop and would close the door on purpose to have it hit the poop. I don't know if this makes sense to you, but that's okay, because it doesn't make any sense to me. Apparently, it was my fault Corky pooped in the house and I was yelled at to pick it up. I told him that he could pick it up because I was doing homework, and I wasn't the one who let Corky in. I appologized for the door even though I couldn't have forsaw what would happen, but he still kept YELLING at me! WTF, fuck that. Then he decided to give me a lecture on how poor my attitude is and how they've had it up to here with me. Anyone who knows me, knows me as one of the most positive people around. Apparently, that's not enough for my parents and that I am failing when I don't drop everything I'm doing and go work for them, and do something they could very easily do themselves. It's like Dr. Frederick's quote about youth ministry: "If you don't support your youth ministry, don't expect them to support your parish." I don't feel a lot of support from my parents right now.

Current mood: furiously sad

I'll definitely give you guys a good recap of the amazing retreat, just not right now. I want to be in the right mindset in order to do justice to the experience of God's love. I wish my parents could see that love inside me.