200th Blog: Am I doing It Right?

If you're lukewarm, I'll chew you up and spit you out. -God (paraphrased =P)

Holy spit, I'm covered in it. Each year seems to be filled with new things, new challenges, and new people. I'm learning something new all the time, and what I learned today is that I'M STILL LEARNING (duh!). I've definitely got a lot of growing to do still. I think that I'm doing great, doing everything God wants from me, but in reality, it's all been muscle memory. Talking with a friend today, we reflected on the idea of not caring. If we're still doing the actions, but not focusing on why we're doing the actions, are the actions still valid? In my opinion, of course the actions are still valid. But what if you put that into a relationship situation? What if I'm spending all this money on my girlfriend, buying her presents and gifts that mean something because I love her? What if I do this so much that it becomes habit? I begin buying gifts for her for no reason at all, just because I can. I'm going through the motions and not showing real love to her.

The problem between the love and going through the motions is the idea of NOT CARING. If I don't care what I'm doing, I'm not focused on what I'm doing, and without focus, you are without direction. What if this direction is bringing me away from God. What if this direction is causing my stagnance to God? I've faced situations like this before. I gave God permission to take the people and things out of my life that were bring me father from Him. That resulted in taking myself out of negative relationships (including those with some of my best friends). But I can't help but think, is this the right way? Does Mark Hart know what he's talking about? Do all these great theologians know what they're talking about? They're much smarter people than I am, and I've been much happier ever since I got over the initial pain, but there's got to be some way to consolidate the two. There's got to be a way, that doesn't hurt yourself, to be able to balance the friends that pull you from God and bring those friends closer to God with you.

So far, what I'm doing is kinda working. It's bringing this person closer to God, but at the same time, bringing me father from Him, and we're meeting in the middle. We both end up being lukewarm instead of one person who knows nothing of God, and one person who is passionate about Him. Is this right?

This is my 200th blog that I've written here on blogspot. Ever since I started writing I have been happier than I ever have in my life. This by far has been the best year to me (though the previous year was a little bit more spiritual discovery). I'm very happy with my life right now and things couldn't be better. Now that I've got my life straightened out, I can live it for God. In today's Bible passage Jesus said, "He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." (John 12:25) Now I'm not going to hate my life, but I'm going to live it for Jesus. My own life is not going to be my biggest concern; other people's lives will be. I realized today that I'm afraid of people I do not know. I automatically look for negatives instead of positives in people I meet or see on the street. I'm always afraid that someone shady-looking is going to try to start a fight with me. I keep forgetting that we're all the same people. We're all God's people with the capacity to think, to love, to reason, to have fun.

The Ignatian retreat gave me the opportunity to think and share (something I haven't been able to do lately. Not at Liwanag and especially not at GL), and that something I need a lot more of: sharing.

More recently I've been developing a lot of crushes. The dilemma is do I pursue and try to get to know these girls better, or do I leave it where it is and wait for things to happen. I'm in no rush, but I don't want my life passing me by.

I really need to blog earlier in the day. My blogs start to become more and more confusing as I type when I'm half asleep. I really wanted to write a poem for my 200th blog, but alas I'm too tired.

What I need to do is balance, stop being lukewarm, refocus myself, get in shape (physically and spiritually), and keep living my life with more passion and direction (I think I could apply the same concept to my school, and I might figure out what I want to do).

Btw, I just fell asleep (Goodnight)