Happy Anniversary

What's the occasion?
362 days since I first began blogging here on blogspot//blogger/elephantweighsfortons/whatever it's called, and it's been one helluva year. Seriously, it's been epic enough to have blogged over 230 times the past year. In this time span I have grown, developed, become more genuine, fallen, been hurt, got back up, strengthened, helped, ranted, loved, rejoiced, and recorded my greatest thoughts and experiences. I never would have started blogging had it not been for a friend of mine who's blogs inspired me to begin my own, and I also know that my blogs have inspired others to begin blogging on here. This person has influenced so many through me, and I thank her. An anniversary to me is a milestone, proof that things can last as long as they have. I've thought about stopping and not writing anymore, but it is too therapeutic to me to stop now. Blogging helps me get my thoughts out through words instead of actions, and it helps me think clearly to help lead to good decisions.

The only thing that I don't like about my blogging is that I've slightly changed the way I write on here now. Go back to reading my first posts, and I sounded a lot more genuine, a lot more like I wasn't writing for anyone in particular, but for me. Over time, more and more people have found my blog and have begun keeping up with me. I love that they have an interest in my life, and I'm not the least bit offended that they read my posts. The problem I have is with myself, I have let my audience dictate my message at times. What this means is that I've said things certain ways in order to be relatable to my audience (I want to write as if I have no audience though) which is a problem. This is supposed to be for me, it's supposed to be genuine and how can I be genuine if I'm altering my message? The answer is that it's because I'm responsible. I'm responsible for my words. I'm responsible for putting words out here that people can read, judge, and interpret. If I ignore the fact that these words will be interpreted in many ways, then I am being naive, selfless, and potentially dangerous. It's a matter of ethics, and what I view as acceptable. Sometimes I won't care, and I'll just go on a rant, but most of the time I need to consider my audience and their feelings (the people that I know read my blog). Some people read my blog and I don't know that they're doing it. That's fine with me, but please don't feel offended if you read something and interpret it your own way. If you are going to be offended by anything I say, you should probably let me know that you're reading my blog so that I can direct my words to that particular audience (you know what I mean?).

I like having fun. I like being happy. Being sad is one of my least favorite things to do (even though I know a number of people who make a point to be sad all the time). That's something I don't understand, people who want to be sad. If you're sad, there are ways to change that. Now I know it's unhealthy and unrealistic to be happy all the time, but at the same time it's still unhealthy and unrealistic if you're always sad.

It's been a tough year, but it has definitely not lacked in happiness. I got my heart broken a time or two, but I've always written about it and moved on. I think that's something I cherish a lot about myself, the ability to move past situations, emotions, and sh*t. I'm optimistic and I look forward to the future.

This isn't the anniversary of a relationship,
My life is filled with 18 of those.
This isn't the anniversary of my job.
Chemistry in the work place changes, and yesterday is yesterday, and tomorrow is a new one.
This isn't the anniversary of a friendship.
I only celebrate one of those with Ju.
This isn't the anniversary of my baptism,
Though that is something I would love to celebrate and I wish I knew my God parents.
This is the anniversary of my blog,
Something that means dearly enough to me to update at least once a week.
Something dear that I use to help me.
Something dear that I use to help others.
Something dear I use to remember.
Something dear that I use to be creative.
Something dear that I use to praise God.
Something dear that I use to be funny.
Something dear that I use to rid myself of unhappy feelings.
Something dear that I use to yell, scream, erupt from the top of my lungs in the relative quietness of text.
Something dear that you may relate to, but it will never be as dear to you.
Something dear. Something dear.
Dear, it is something.
It is something how words, symbols, and images can create such a powerful message of someone's life.
The words may not be unlimited,
But they can fly and light up the night sky.
They won't need any roads to get there
Because where they're going, they won't need roads.

This was supposed to be a poem btw. I'm not one to care about traditional English grammar, structure or whatever. I'm all about style, and I've got one of my own and I'm not afraid to admit it. Happy Anniversary, life is good.

One last thing. It's hard for me to start relationships with people I've known for so long because you never know if they feel the same way, and you cherish their friendship and wouldn't want to make things awkward. Maybe two people can survive a relationship, find out that they're not as compatible as they first thought, and go back to being good friends (maybe that's too idealistic).