Grown Up Love, Even When It Hurts

I did some growing up today.

I was able to let go of my anger and be reminded not to take things so personally, especially considering the context.

I feel like I'm one of the luckiest guys on earth. No matter how far I stray, or how hard I fall, God seems to always be there in nights like tonight to remind me of His love and cast away all of my doubts. I have to admit that I've been hurting a lot lately. Most people wouldn't notice it, but I've definitely been different in the past couple months, if ever so subtly. I have been filled with hurt in more ways than one, but I decided to hold onto that hurt, and, at times, take it personally. Tonight, I was able to let go of some of that hurt and pain and grow up. I made a promise, and, as a friend, I intend to see it through. As I prayed on the way home tonight, I asked God for the gift of Love, and to love like Him...even when it hurts.

To love. Even when it Hurts.

(sounds like a new motto) I plan on loving, and I know it's going to hurt, but oddly enough a song played on my Higher CD that seemed to reinforce my thoughts. The lyrics played "I just can pull myself away, under a spell I can't break, I just can't stop, I just can't stop, I just can't stop." I know that's not the context of the song, but I felt the line was a great example of loving unconditionally. "I just can't stop, I just can't stop." Next song was "Try Again" by the Higher with some more appropriate lyrics: "She said, you'll lie wide awake at night, thinking about the battles between you, and I know it's not about who wins. Sometimes it's better to give in, you've got to learn to try again." Well I'm going to try again, and try harder...at everything. Whether it be my faith, my relationships, my job, I'm not going to stop. Love, even when it hurts.

Unfortunately, I can't even fully justify what I just said. Yes, love even when it hurts, but there must also be boundaries. If you're own well-being is being put into question, then it might be the right time to take a step back and reevaluate your decision. You may arrive at the same answer regardless, or you may not, but at least you're not loving blindly. Loving blindly is different from loving unconditionally.

I was told something tonight. It was something that I never want to forget, so I will immortalize it on this blog so that hopefully someday I will reread it and be just as touched as I was tonight.
"Steve, you are the man. You don't even go to this school, yet here you are in this situation..."
"Now you see why Jesus was crucified. He was not afraid of being different. He was told be be a certain way and hang with a certain crowd, but instead he became all-inclusive and compassionate to everyone around him. He was not afraid to take a step and live on the other side of the line."

Man, I wish I had a photographic/audiographic memory. FJF is a definitely a wise man and really helped me out tonight.

I'm running on empty right now, but I'm going to keep on going. A sleepless night and a miserable-feeling day ended with me becoming closer to my friends and to God. You never know when He's going to pop into your life next. It always seems to be at the most unexpected times.