Stepin' Up

I've taken some more responsibilities when it comes to the GL Retreat. I know I can handle these responsibilities, but it's going to require a little bit more awareness on my part. I can do it, I've been in plenty of roles very similar to this and I'm excited to get started on the GL Retreat. Planning the GL Retreat is always one of the favorite parts of my year. It involves creativity, planning, coordinating, and most importantly hanging out with my friends while we have fun planning an event that everyone can enjoy.

I also volunteered my talents to help Ace out with the next month of GL meetings. Some people might be surprised about the theme we're going to use, but I think it's something that a lot of people can walk away from and say "hey, I learned something applicable." (I doubt they'll use the word applicable though =P)

The 09 Banquet was great, and I still can't get over how different next year's class is going to look. Each year brings new ideas, new leaders, and a new flavor. This was my first full year of being a part of Liwanag, and it was really something different because of how well I've been welcomed and accepted by the people there. Jordan put it perfectly last night when he said that Liwanag showed him that he has a family on campus, and he has no reason to be lonely. I feel so blessed to be a part of this family and to have so many other families that look out for me. Besides my blood family, I've got my LOG family, my GL family, my drama family (even though we may never see each other again), and my family of close friends including the Nelsons, the Leones, the Loomers, and everyone else that looks out for me and believes in me. I must never fail to recognize all the love God has blessed me with in my life.

One thing that bothers me though is that I can't tell people my true feelings about them. I'm afraid of bringing unbalance, of disrupting harmony (I realized this tonight by the way, and I think it's the most accurate reason why I don't tell girls that I like them, or why I don't confront people that I don't like: I'm afraid of disrupting harmony).

I wish I could tell you how I truly feel about you.
I wish I could tell you how beautiful you are without you taking it the wrong way,
even though the wrong way would be the right way if you felt the same.
I fear for the future, not the present.
I know we won't be married, so I think why bother?
Why waste my time?
Why hurt you?
Just for the memories?
The memories are what I want.
The experiences are what I desire.
I want to learn, and I want you to be my book.
But I want you to be the best book I've ever read.
I want you to be a bestseller, forcing me to be unable to put you down.
To not give up so easily.
To not look so far to the future.
To quit being so critical.
Your beauty scares me.
Your piercing stare captivates me.
I dread to see the confusion in your eyes when I disrupt the harmony that unites us.
I can't imagine life without you.
Fear is a powerful motivator.
Forcing the weak to become strong.
The strong to be weak.
The unwilling to become willing.
The faithful to lose faith.
The courageous t cower in fear.
And humans to hide their emotions.
I love you, you, you, you, you, you, you, and you, and especially you,
But I've never told any of you.
Only two.
Maybe three or four.
And look how that turned out.
But I won't be scared.
I won't let fear consume me.
I won't let doubt rise from the depths to swallow the courage the burns like a fire within me.
I will rise, I will shout, I will triumph.
And I will create the memories,
Memories so great that when you close your eyes, they fill the darkness.
Don't be afraid to tell the one you love.
Because if you don't tell her, then you'll never have the memory, and your life will be filled with regret.

Find your own meaning to the words above, and use it to create your own memories with those you love

(written in the stream of consciousness)

Cathy said something last night that I never want to forget. She was roasting Bellamay and she said that there are some people who come to Liwanag and it changes them, but there are other people who come to Liwanag and change it (in a good way). I want to be the type of person who can inspire others.