Still Discerning

I don't like where this decision is heading so far. I have a feeling that it might hurt a person or two, but there's something Mark said that I just can't get out of my head: "Think of something you're scared to do, and just do it." He's got a point, and I'm definitely scared to do it. I'm not scared of the action itself, but more scared of the aftermath that would soon follow. It could be good aftermath, but then again, it could also be bad aftermath. I can't get a read on one of my friends about it, and am not sure if this person supports this decision or is just being a good friend and not talking about it. The problem is that I want to talk about it. If there's anything I learned about in Communication, it's that most of the tension comes from not talking about things; it comes from jumping to conclusions before you have all the facts. I, myself, am already jumping to conclusions, but it's mostly because of my anxiety about making this decision.

I know, I'm vague, I don't care =P

I'm going to do this. I just want to make sure that I don't hurt people along the way. If there's anything I learned, it's a long way to the top. But the top is only satisfactory if you didn't step on people to get there.

I was sad to miss the LAN party today, but I'm glad that I stayed home instead of wasting a lot of gas and energy to get there. I had a long, tiring day. Started the day off by going frisbee golfing and Fuddruckers. After that, I went home to relax for a few hours before off to my softball game. We lost...again...but we did put up a good fight in the final inning. If only the guys were game enough to do that the rest of the game. I need to remind myself not to get a big head, and keep my ego in check. That was a problem I had Junior year, I had a great season, but I alienated a lot of teammates because of my attitude. The game is only fun when you're having fun with everybody else. It's no good to sell your soul and win if your still miserable.

I watched Milk today. I gotta admit, that movie was pretty gay =P but it was still a good movie. It made me think a lot more about the civil rights movements. I used to be a very closed-minded person (black and white), but ever since studying about Vatican II and all the principles our church was founded on, I'm starting to see the grey area. A lot of people are still stuck in the medieval era and think that's the way the Church has always been.

I want to get Belinda on board for the GL Retreat Team. It's funny how far we've come that I now see her as an asset instead of an annoyance. Deng Mike, I guess I'm seeing things through your eyes now. The future of GL: what is it going to be? I'm sure I could run it for a few meetings a month, but I definitely don't want to be the only person doing it. It's a huge burden and doesn't have the support of the pastor that it needs in order to be successful. When I was choosing a college to transfer to(before I ended up going to Fullerton), I thought of going to San Diego. One of the biggest things I was looking forward to was taking up a youth minister role in a local church in the area. I wanted to start my own youth group at a church that had none. I'm pretty naive to think I could do it by myself, but hey, it could be fun.

Speaking of San Diego, I'm going on a road trip there to visit Abby and Khrystyn tomorrow with Jem and Huan (I hope I don't feel 3rd wheel on the car ride there =P).

Dear Lord, help me make the right decisions, to choose the path that will lead me closer to you. I've been thinking too much about my own wants instead of the big picture. I give you permission to come into my life and help me find the right direction in order to experience Your love more fully.