Deep Talk

I wasn't going to talk.

I wasn't going anywhere, so why should I say goodbye? What point would there be to share my stories if I was just going to be creating new ones again the following week and every subsequent week after for the next 362 days? As each of the class of 2010 rose and shared their experiences with people they knew so deeply and other people whom they had never said a word to, I was touched. The seniors speaking made me realize that though I am not graduating this year, and though I am closer to the 2011 class than any other class, 2010 was where I belonged. These were the people that understood my experiences the most, and if I couldn't share back with them last night, would I ever get the chance to do it again? That made my final decision as Ray and Ace asked me to come up last. I didn't want to go up. I didn't need to go up. There was something calling me to go up.

This past year has been a tough one for me spiritually. I felt lost without Guiding Light and felt no solace within the social environment of Liwanag. Some people may disagree with me here, others may be angered, but I didn't feel part of the family this year. This year felt more like competition and trying to outdo one another with jokes than actually praising God and growing closer together through his love. I'm lost right now, but someone (I think it was Ray) said something during the meeting that woke me up. It was something like "The grace of God does not just rest within the walls of Interfaith, it's everywhere." I've been looking to Liwanag to help me out of this "funk" when it's God himself I should be looking to and listening to. Oh well, it's a start. Enough with the deep religion talk.

I went to Proof with JaimeeSia and here art buddies who she graduated with. I met some cool, legit people like Erin and Diane, but for the most part it was just a weird experience. For the second week in a row, I was placed in the position of being under the influence, but still having to look out for my friend (a girl both times) from hurting herself. I don't want to bash on my friends because life is about learning, and while I'm guilty of it too, a person shouldn't drink to the point where they can't take care of themselves. You learn your limits, and you try to stay within those limits. If, for example, you drove someone somewhere, you should never see your limit at any time (even with a microscope) that entire night. You have a responsibility as a friend to make sure that the person/people you drove are safe. I don't know, but if I continue I'll end up going on a rant. Just try to take care of yourselves. Drink socially to have fun; don't drink to get drunk and be a mess. I'm such a fuckin' hypocrite, but you know this is true =/

I feel guilty leaving my sister alone for the 3rd night in a row. I'm sorry, but I need to stop being so damn selfish and going out and stay here tomorrow night and watch out for her. If it means that I miss clubbing or some crazy event, so be it, but I have a responsibility to look after my younger sister, and I don't care if that makes you mad.

This week has been an up and down ride, but it only looks up from here. Who's down for some deep talk tomorrow night?