Light of Whaaa..?

I've just had a breakthrough: I cannot have expectations of others. I have no control over their lives nor control over mine. My true self is to be a good person, to listen to God, and to do what He asks me to do.

A lot of my recent inner-conflict has had to do with my expectations of others and what I want them to be. All my life I've had this idea what I feel would be the perfect life for me. I have attempted to control and position the relationships, environment, and activities in my life in order to achieve this perfection. The stress, depression, and negativity only creep into my life when things are out of my control and do not fit into this "perfect life" I have envisioned for myself.

Well guess what! This guy is removing these overwhelming expectations from his life and is instead coming to terms that the only person who has any control over life is The Big Man, Himself: God.


One of the expectations that has proved to be an undesired burden on my life has been the direction of one of my favorite faith-sharing groups, Liwanag. It's no secret, or maybe it is, that I envision Liwanag to be produced and delivered in a much different way than it currently is being processed. My elevated expectations of Liwanag have failed to be met, which causes tension in my life. Without the ability to control this tension, I chose to remove it instead and stop going to Liwanag.

I understand now what my friend was trying to tell me when she said that Liwanag was not her ministry anymore. LOG is not my responsibility, therefore, I shouldn't have any overzealous expectations of what it should be. I cannot control everything that I disagree with, but I can "let go, and let God (take control)."

However, the problem I have with the phrase, "Let go and let God," is that I feel it gives us Catholics an excuse to relieve us of our responsibilities. I would like to change it to, "Let go and LISTEN to God." Based upon what you have heard and discerned about, you can then "Let go, listen to God, and respond to Him with ACTION."

Sorry about that little tangent; let's get back to not being able to rule the world.

I want Liwanag to be a place to share about your faith. To grow closer to God through your neighbors, community and prayer. I want it to be a place that you can search for answers for your struggles together rather than a place that causes more struggles.

I feel Liwanag is, in its current form, a great place to hang out and party with like-minded Catholics. Unfortunately, it alienates those who are not like-minded through the idea of exclusivity and doesn't provide a safe place to share or discern about the struggles going on in your life. I feel too much emphasis is placed onto who's house we're going to party at, or when the next "fam bam" hangout is going to be, or the that we must practice a million times to be perfect for a mere concert rather than help individuals with their inner-conflict to stay true to the Church's teachings, or to liberally indulge themselves in the experiences of college. I'm all for college experience, and I'm probably the biggest hypocrite in the world for saying this, but I feel Liwanag should be leading people to heavenly college experiences, not the National Lampoon's experiences.


I'm a party-er. I like to go out to have too good of a time and make questionable decisions, but I also liked going to Liwanag because it would keep my feet grounded and remind me what's important in life. Now I don't seem to get anything out of the meetings in their current form. That, plus the drive/gas it takes to get up there, is what causes me to make very few appearances anymore.

There you have it, I have finally put to text my own issues with Liwanag. With my new-found understanding of self, I have put aside my anger with the direction. While I hope things will change, I have come to terms that it is not my responsibility, it is not in my control, and it is not my ministry. I do not have expectations of what it should be and, rather, I accept what it is. I have chosen to "Let go and listen to God." Regardless of what an organization is, I will always have LOG in my heart. Armed with that knowledge, I will be the best person I can be, and I will do what God asks of me.

"If can, can. If no can, then no can."